The Blogigal Son Returns

So people keep asking me "Do you still blog?" And it really pisses me to peices. It really shows how little people care. I mean just check my blog ONE TIME and you could see the answer is yes. I'm a god damned Blogosaurus Rex to tell the truth. If you were even 1/8th the man my father was you'd know what I'm talking about.

 

Now back to pants. As I see it, a lot of really messed up people seem to think the warmer weather during the summer months excuses them to wear "shorts" instead of pants. Someone give me an oil change because that really grinds on my gears. It just shows how false people are. You think you can just wear pants when its cofortabel? You think you just wear them when you FEEL LIKE IT?? Fuck you. Simple as that.

Pants arent a lifestyle. They arent a choice. They are truth. they are god. They are life and death. They are the abyss and the light. When someone tells me they don't wear pants in the summer because its uncomfortable I laugh in their face! You fool!! Fool who will not suffer for the pants!! I gladly suffer for the pants, offer my worthless body and wretched mind up to them. Up to those uncaring unfeeling, indifferent pants. It is my greatest privilege and deepest pleasure.

So next time you think about asking someone why theyre wearing pants in the summer heat.. dont.

DP

I'm not mad. Just dissapointed. (English post #15)

First off, I just want to thank my family, god, and, most of all, the late Kelsey Grammer. Without them I would never have gotten to wear I am today. I love all the big strong men in the academy for giving me this tiny man award. It means so much that a little tiny man would give his life to be gilded in order to sit on my pillow to be dusted for eternity. Thank you tiny man, your life is worthless. If you weren't covered in gold, I would eat you.

Most of all, thank you to my Father. I see him in the audience shaking his fist at me. He looks furious. I love you Father. I am so furious right now! You raised me well!

The movie, Pants? No Thank You! (Just Kidding I'll have the pants ASAP) was a huge success in the box office, but it was an even bigger success in my pants. I love pants more than life itself. Goodbye academy, your arms are stronger than I will ever be.

English blog time: how's my hair? (Pants edition)

Irrationality is a pervasive theme in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. The stunning  special effects only serve to enhance the absurdity of the setting in which Alice finds herself! There's a cat whose head comes off and sometimes she eats stuff and changes sizes and the dogs can tell time! Is that rational? The answer is N-O if you ask me! Once Alice (or Al) realizes that the world she's in isn't rational it basically turns into the plot of the matrix. she realizes that she can do whatever she wants now and then she wakes up.


Hello! Sound familiar?? That's because it's just like real life. For example, one night I had homework but I didn't do it, so my mom got mad at me, but I told her that wasn't rational and sent her to bed. There's supposedly a rule in our society that you have to pay for things, but I say thats irrational and just take things (like pants). It's pretty helpful.

Blog Post #13 Life: (Mer)sault what?!

Meursault's outlook on life is that he doesn't care much about things either way. An example of this is when Marie asks him if he wants to get married. He tells her that he doesn't care either way.  He also doesn't think much about his actions, he just does things and has a hard time explaining why afterwards. The most obvious example would be when he shoots the man on the beach. The best example of Mersault's indifference to the world is in "Part 1: Chapter 6" when he stands before the beach house contemplating whether he should go inside, which would put him in a socially awkward situation, or stay outside in the hot sun which was causing him great physical pain. He thinks to himself that it's the same either way, even though both options are different.

I think that this way of life is very useful in some ways. Meursault goes with the flow of events and doesn't think too much about his actions, before or after. He does not attempt to find rationality in his life or actions, he merely is. This would be very helpful for my own life. For example, I would never worry about how I'll have to explain to my wife why I just bought 2 bakers dozens of jeans, because I would have no reason. I just bought them because thats what I did. Very simple. Me like.

English Post 12: "Midnight in Paris" an innocent hollywood rom-com, or a sadistic piece of anti-semitic propoganda?

At first glance the popular chick flick "Midnight in Paris" starring Owen Wilson seems like one of your classic time-travel/romance/comedies that hollywood has been pumping out faster than a diabetic hypoglycemic cow produces milk, but, upon further scrutiny, there is a dark ideology hidden beneath the clever jests and pretty faces that are prevalent throughout the film.

A leaked picture of Wilson at a halloween party in 2005 dressed as Adolf Hitler

But first let me give a short synopsis of the film:
An aspiring writer, Gil Pender (Owen Wilson), travels to Paris with his fiance. Gil is struggling with his writing and thinks he would do better in the 1920's. One night he is walking the streets of Paris and finds out that he can time travel back to the20's and talk with his favorite literary heroes. He begins traveling back in time every single night to hang out with Hemingway and Fitzgerald and bae, yet what he never even thinks about doing is warning 1920's Europe about the impending world war and holocaust, and even worse, 9/11.

It's hard to believe that Gil wouldn't have thought about warning the world about the holocaust. I mean, how many times a day are you asked the question "Who would you kill if you could go back in time and kill one person?" (10.) and how often is your answer "Hitler" (every time.). It's more likely that Gil thought about stopping the holocaust/killing Hitler, and made a conscious decision not to. And why would Gil not kill Hitler? The logical conclusion is that Gil was a neo-Nazi himself.

So, next time your innocent son or daughter asks if they can watch "Midnight in Paris" for movie night, you'll know what to say. Because nothing destroys the moral backbone of our nation's children like subliminal Nazi anti-american ideologies that fill our children's heads with depraved communist fantasies.

DP 

BLOG POST 11: SETTING

the neighborhood I live in is called south west minneapolis. Southwest minneapolis is divided into the south and the west by a pair of lakes like a giant watery zipper. The south and the west look like giant pant legs between the lakes. The west pant is sparsely populated with lepers, or as they like to be called, the more leprosy-challenged. The south pant is full of people who are less leprosy-oriented. I live in the south pant but I occasionally travel to the west pant to bring the lepers leftovers from my weekly venture to the local TGI Fridays (and the occasional Champs and Houlihans). Everyone in the south pant has a pet. And I mean EVERYONE!

Seriously! The place is a veritable old McDonald had a farm! I LIVE RIGHT BY THE MINNEHAHA CREEK. My neighbor is a rich kid in a big house named Jake. He is my friend. Friends are fun sometimes but sometimes they can be mean. Jake was mean to me yesterday and it made me sad.

Kirk out.